Distracted

Ba ba ba bum, ba ba ba bum. The antelope alarm on my blackberry sings a gentle tune to rouse me from sleep. Sleep is the only time I'm not distracted, although I can't prove that I'm not distracted while I sleep. Maybe I am, and not being able to remember is just a little gift from the Universe, from God.

I am distracted by myself. I am distracted by the kids, the husband, the phone, the scales, the computer, the laundry, the dust on my blinds, the clock, the schedule, the garden I need to weed, the blogs, the view from my windows, the Tivo, the kisses from my daugher, the questions from my son, the dirt on the floor, the books sitting unread on my shelf, the scrapbook I haven't worked on in ages, the bar that will open soon, the field trips, the obligations, the mail on the counter. There are so many things I need to do, so many things I want to do, but I seem to get lost in the to do list, and at the end of the day, I have so many things half done, or almost done, or just barely started, or not done at all. And there are so many things that never even made the list.

I do finish things, but it never seems to be enough.

I think I need a distraction from all of my distractions.

Maybe I should sleep more.

It's not like this everyday, or every week. Some days are great and I manage to stay on top of the myriad tasks I need to accomplish. Those are good days. Days when I pat myself on the back, when lie in bed at night and my brain is not racing.

I want to be one of those moms who has everything together, who gets everything done, who isn't frazzled by distractions.

Do they even exist?

Can you tell me how to be one of them?

Greetings from Austin!

Yesterday the little ones and I arrived in Austin for an overnight at dear friend Lisa's house. And right now? We're packing up to leave. It's been quite possibly the shortest visit I've ever had with her. And it's killing both of us that we have to go.

But we have to meet up with the daddy. Because we haven't seen the daddy much at all this month. The last weekend he was home was BJ's birthday weekend. Let's just say it's been a mad, mad month.

So today we're meeting daddy in Salado for lunch and some family time. We'll spend the night in Round Rock and then part ways tomorrow. Him to Houston and us to Leakey.

I'm sure I'll have more time to post tonight or maybe when I get home.

Hope you're enjoying your family time this weekend. Don't take it for granted.

I must go to bed today

It's 8 o'clock. My kids are in bed and me time begins. Wow, what to do with myself. Of course, there are a million things to do around my house. But why do today, what you can put off till tomorrow right? Isn't that how the old saying goes!? I would rather get some work done and write this post.

Crazy life. That's how I've been feeling for the past month. I'm so much busier than I used to be. My goal lately? To go to bed today. That's right, today, as in before midnight. Because I'm not so good at that.

All day long I'm running. Running BJ to school. Running to the bank, the post office, the library, to get (more) gasoline, to Kerrville for groceries. Then I run back to get BJ and then we run home so I can throw something together for dinner before I throw the kids in the tub and then into bed. And you know what? THAT'S when my day begins. My day. The time I have for me and all the things I want to do. Like work for instance. Maybe some television. How about a phone call? Some blog surfing and maybe a couple of emails. I know, I know...it's getting a little too crazy for you right? I'll try to tone it down.

So what I'm getting at is after 7:45 p.m. when the kids are tucked safely away in their beds (you didn't really think I just threw them in there right?) and they've gone potty and had that last sip of water, been nursed and changed, it's my turn. I can turn off the mommy mode, well at least turn it down, and do what I need to do. Sure, most of the time that includes washing the dishes I just didn't have time to get to, and sweeping the floor, maybe even folding a few loads of laundry. You see, that's why I cannot seem, no matter how hard I try, to get to bed before midnight. I enjoy the evenings and I just don't want them to end. If I go to sleep, before I know it, it's 6:45 a.m. and time to rinse and repeat. So the longer I stay up, the more me time I have. But the more me time I have, the less sleep I get. Less sleep = Cranky (okay, bitchy, really) Mommy.

So my goal, to try and cram as much as I can into 4 hours and then hit the hay by midnight. I've done pretty good this week. Of course, my house isn't as clean as I would like it to be, but whatever. Is it ever really clean enough? I'm a little more well rested than usual, so that's good.

Well folks, my 25 alotted minutes for blogging are up! I need to get online and figure out which camera gear I'm going to order tomorrow!! That's right, I'm taking the plunge and buying myself a Nikon D40x with lots of lenses and accoutrements. Happy Birthday TO ME! I can hardly wait.

p.s. If you stop by tomorrow, you might notice it looks a little different around here. I'm pimpin' my blog ride tonight!!

So many things

I have so many things to blog about. So many. Just no time.

I want to tell you about Mia, and how she's growing so fast. How she's sitting up now and occasionally gets there by herself. I haven't seen her do it yet, but I'll turn around and she'll be sitting. Or she'll start crying in bed and I'll go in to check on her and she's sitting and confused as to how to get back to the sleeping position. I want to tell you how she's so tiny, still wearing size 2 diapers at 7 months old. That she smiles all day long and I wonder if her face must hurt from all the grinning. She loves her voice and loves to squeal and babble on and on. And that I think she's going to be like her brother and talk non stop. She's growing so fast is scares me. It makes me sad to know that she's our last and I feel like I need to soak up every single moment of her sweet preciousness. When I put her to bed at night, she snuggles so close to me I feel like she's trying to get inside of me. And I want her there again.

I want to rave about BJ and his inquisitiveness. His four year old wonder and awe of the world around him. His love of everything except bedtime and tomatoes. How he tells me at least 20 times a day that he loves me more than anything else in the world. The sweaty, boyish smell of him after a long day of play, and how wonderful and clean and soft he is just after his bath. His love of books and his odd choices of subjects at the library. His box of treasures, pieces of old glass that seem to be all over our property, acorns, fossils, and many, many rocks. How he brings me fistfuls of wild flowers almost daily and insists that we put them in a vase full of water. That he wants to be a helicopter pilot when he grows up, but that it might be too hard to learn. About his injuries, head wounds, scratches, and bug bites that seem to be endless.

I also want to blog about my business and how I'm so busy sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on all of the above. About the conscious effort I make each and every day to spend as much time away from my laptop and with my kids. But it's so hard when there is a never ending list of clients. And those clients, how wonderful each and every one of them is. How different and unique each design is. And my business partner, who is amazing and crazy and freaking hilarious. She makes me laugh at least 100 times a day. And inspires me just as much. About Arianne, the newest member of the Be Design family, and how she is such a perfect fit and fills a serious need for us. And that she makes me laugh almost as much as Beth.

And my friend, Lisa. My dear sweet friend. I could talk to her on the phone at least 4 times a day and share a slew of emails back and forth and we still have so much to say. I want to tell you how I wish she lived next door, so she could send her kids over when she needs a nap and vice versa. So we could sit up and eat ice cream together and watch TV late into the night. I would love to be able to go shopping with her to make those important decisions on bedding for the kids' rooms. Or furniture. Or baby clothes.

I also want to mention my husband and how hard he works and how I miss seeing him everyday. It's been almost 2 years that we've lived apart during the week. And while I feel, without a doubt, our marriage is stronger now, I still miss being able to unwind on the front porch with him and talk about our days after we get the kids in bed. Talk about the ups, the downs, and the in betweens.

And I want to blog about me. About how I never stop going. How in order to make everything above possible, I have to juggle a million things and work late into the night. And about how happy I am with everything, and with the exception of my lack of sleep, I wouldn't change a single thing. Except I would request that the damn raccoon that keeps getting into my trash can at night and spreading garbage all over my yard please stop. For the love of all that is good and peaceful. Stay out of my motherf..., well, you know, trash.

So that's what I've been wanting to blog about.